hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I am one with the molecules
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
