This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
