his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
