I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
