Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
