I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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