stop calling my apartment porn island.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
