I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
