This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
