I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
