K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
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Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
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Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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