I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
