yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
