last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
