SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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