Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
