so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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