dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
