well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I think im going to throw up on grandma
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
