So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
