So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
