I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize