I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
