My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
