Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
