My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
