turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
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All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
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Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
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