apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
