Taylor Swift is so right about you.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
