I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
