Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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