I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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