the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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