He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
