Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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