Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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