Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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