I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
