Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
