i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's rum buckets o'clock
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
