Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
