Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
