As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
