this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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