Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
