Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
