You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
