Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
