I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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