Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
