i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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