I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
