First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
