Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
