my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize