You made me cry and you don't even care
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
