You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
