Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
