It's Friday. Sex?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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