You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
