Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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