i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
