Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
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next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
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I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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