I think I am morally bankrupt
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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