does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
