is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
