I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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