I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
