So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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