who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
