dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize