Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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